Finished but not over

Miss Ame makes a very good point and I need to straighten out a few things about my last post.  That post was about the infection inside of me being cut out and now is over.  I have a long, long way to go before I am no longer sick.  There are anti-bio-tics to take to help heal the residual infection.  There is the physical therapy to rehab the trust and faith.  There will be hours of very uncomfortable conversations that will open the wounds to clean them out again and again and they will have to be salved and re-wrapped for protection.  There will be more minor surgeries that are necessary to get every thing back in line and bones to set. 

Folks I have been in a train wreck.  This is not a quick process where I confess and every thing is done.  That is how God heals our spiritual lives but not our physical ones.  There is a woman who is in incredible pain right now who is wondering what kind of monster she was married to and how she was so blind as to not see it.  There are children who still know nothing about this and may never find out.  Telling them will be up to the mother, but if she wants me to tell them anything I will tell them.  I must do what she wants.  I have always wanted her to be happy but I have never taken the responsibility for what I was doing or did concerning this one sin.  That would have been the right thing to do and the right thing for a very long time was not in me.

So y’all pray for me and I will keep going to the meetings and working the 12 steps.  I will also be making some decisions soon about how much longer I want to stay here.  I really love the job but there are some things about it that are trying push me back into this sin.  I know that I cannot avoid every situation that will make me think about it but there are ways to get myself out from under the temptation.  That is what I am practicing right now.  So maybe I need to stay right where I am for awhile until I get a firm hand hold on the process of what to do as soon as I am tempted.  You have to run from temptation not fight it.  If you are stuck and cannot run you have to call for help IMMEDIATELY.  You don’t wait until you have clicked on the site or walked down to the local strip club.  You call your sponsor to meet you at Denney’s because you are in the midst of your battle and need some one to tell you better.

So this is my plan and I have put it in place.  Right now the temptations are small because of all of the regulations and safe guards in place over here.  But the time of going home is coming and then the evil in our society will be ready to jump on me the minute that I land.  Pray hard please.  I know that I am.

A Real (still sick) Man