When things tend to look there worst is usually when they are about to become the best. While I am in no way out of the woods yet I have been given a kind of reprieve from the pain, worry, and stress of the past several weeks. My L.O. and I are on much better speaking terms and I seem to be on the path to some relief in my job. But the biggest relief seems to be in the area of temptations. Now I know that I have been given a great gift in the Grace of God in this but I have to say, I do not feel tempted. I mean literally I do not feel tempted at all.
I have been bouncing my eyes away from the sexual in the women that are around me. I have been reading my Bible regularly although not as much as I would like to do so. I have been shown how to walk away from conversations that I find to be repugnant. I am working the steps every day. I am on step six right now and it is a tough one. I must say that the effort that I had put in to trying to stop being the person that I was and become the person I am was all wasted. God did it in one minute when I just let him do it. I gave my sin over to Him and it was gone.
I really do not even know how to explain that in a way that will make any sense. I asked Him to break this sin in me a while back. He kept trying to do it and I kept fighting Him. Finally I was given an ultimatum; give up the sin or suffer the consequences. Those consequences were not any that I was willing to go through. Then too I was shown the path to the 12 step program and a way to make myself over into a new being. But not on my own. I have help. Real warriors who are praying for and talking to me about all that I was and now can be.
My wife, my Lovely One, the one for whom I would lay down my very life now knows all of the truth and has started on the path to her own healing. We are going to have that honey moon that I thought would not come about due to my revelations. But now she says that she is looking forward to this. There will be more bumps in the road but I really think that I have finally moved out of the valley of the shadow of death and into the light. Things are definitely looking up.
Thank you to all who have been praying for me and my L.O. Please continue to do so. We still have a long way to go.
A Real (no longer in despair) Man
