The day before yesterday I wrote that the temptations had just been taken away from me. I still believe that. I am still working the twelve steps but my mind wandered in places that it should not have been while in the shower. All I did about it was say, “NO leave me alone,” and got out of there as fast as I could. I did not indulge in fantasy or continue to dwell on the thoughts that popped into the old head. I got out just as fast as I could. No sin just a temptation from the past sneaking in. Where did it come from? Why did it come then?
Well most of my sins were committed in the shower believe it or not. My sins of the mind that is. Thinking about all of the images or videos with which I had saturated my mind. Only the Word of God can cleanse my mind of those things. So when I was finished with my shower and dressed for bed I picked up my Bible and started to read. I am in Philippians right now and I read chapter 3 last night before finally drifting off to sleep. I turned off the light and got in the bed and slept the sleep of the just. Not because I am just but because the peace of Christ is presently ruling in my heart.
I was talking to the L.O. yesterday and telling her about how I attended chapel and then when I came out of the chapel and got in the vehicle to go back to the office I was instantly back home in our car but no one was with me. I was alone. I did not have a house to go to and rest or do some small chore around. I had no wife to sit beside me or talk to on the way back home. I had no fellowship afterwards with my brothers in the Lord. All I had to look forward to was going back to the stress of the job and dealing with customers and contentious employees of whom I am in charge.
I started crying right there on the side of the road. I was feeling so lonely and sad and home sick that I just could not help it. Was I feeling sorry for myself? I really do not think so I was just feeling the intense feelings that come with having attended the peaceful service in the sanctuary and I had no one to share with. I really miss home. I know that if I leave here prematurely I will be going back to no pay like what I am earning now and that will not meet our goals. I have six months at least to go before I get finished here. Then $10/hour will do for me.
Pray hard for me to make good decisions on this job and about the future of any thing else that I do. Pray for a complete reconciling for my L.O. and I on our honey moon. Also please pray for my children who are so far away and so far apart from each other. Thank you.
A Real (praying) Man
